Pastor Phil Ayres

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When Im making major decisions in my life, there are a number of guldelines that I try to follow, especially in something as big as marriage.
1. Do I have God's peace about the person as my marriage partner?
Phillippians 4: 6, 7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
2. Do we have the same life values to build a life together? Do we share faith in God Do we both want children and how many, is this area negotiable?
Do we want to travel or build a life in one community?
These are examples of foundational life values, there can be many more. Differences in these areas, which individuals are not willing to compromise on, will tend to draw couples apart in the long run.
Try and look beyond the chemistry you feel towards that person now, and try to see yourself doing life down the track - are you going to be happy with the direction that your potential partner wants to take? or are you being nice and loving about eveything now, hoping that they will change after you are married?
Do you share any long range dreams together? Amos 3:3
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? Amos 3: 3 NLT Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
3. Am I ready to make a life commitment? I personally don't believe that you are ever going to find Mr or miss perfect and have a no faults marriage. I believe that each of us fundamentally has to make a core decision to be the right person that will make our marriage work. Im married today, not because my wife ticked all the squares that is required in a marriage partner. In fact when it comes to ticks, we have probably ticked each other off over and over again. We have had miss understandings, conflicts, disagreements and many more. In all of our imperfect journey, we have made a commitment to try and be the right person for each other. Our life is a journey of discovery - after 23 years we ar still learning and still growing in our of how to be that right person.
4. If you are a person who loves God, and you date and marry a person who is not a christian, I personally believe that you are setting yourself up for a conflicted, lonely life. In the beginning that person may even come to church to be able to get to you, but unless there is a genuine faith towards Jesus in them they will eventually drop out and look for other things to do. You will then have to choose, do I stay in fellowship with other christians who love god and can care and support me in my faith or do I follow my partner and leave my faith, hoping that one day we will be able to find God together.
Unfortunately the majority of people I talk to in this situation, never get to experience the wonderful/ intimacy of sharing a heart felt faith with their partner. God often becomes a distant memory. On the other hand, those who choose to stay in fellowship with other christians, attend most things in their spiritual journey alone and have to live in two disconnected worlds. My encouragement is that we should be building our family and faith together as one.